This blog is a resultant of an incredibly depressed and suicidal sixteen-year-old boy's discovery of a thing called Tumblr. The point of this blog is not only for me to vent my feelings, but for you to do the same. It's for you to realize that you're NOT ALONE.
There are always alternatives~.
Anonymous said: I'm going through a rough time. When I was younger my stepdad did stuff to me and my sister. It all came out last year. Right now I'm not allowed to live at my parents house because DHS put a protective order in and I'm currently living with a friend. I suppose I need words of encouragement. It's just hard right now and people said it wouldn't get worse. Well now it has and sometimes I just hate life. I won't do anything drastic and I plan to move on with my life but goooodness. Ugh
Oh, love, I send you my deepest apologies for the situation you are in currently. To endure such pain and still be able to say that you can move on is something only an incredibly strong individual could do. You are beyond wonderful, and I’m truly envious the strength in your character. It is quite admirable.
As far as your current issues are concerned, I would take each day as it comes. Considering there is not much you can do, as the circumstance involves mainly your stepfather and the law, I would try to uphold a positive mindset. Form a support system with your sister, and be there for each other in your times of need.
Moreover, in order to get your mind of such negative manners, I would strongly suggest pursuing a hobby and/or participating in an extracurricular at school. This will not only provide you with a healthy outlet to escape from the sadness and anxiety you attain, but enable you the opportunity to discover who you are and what you enjoy. As well, I would also recommend you join support groups online (i.e. Blah Therapy or 7 Cups of Tea) and/or in your community that deal with recovering from the situation you acquire. This will provide you a healthy outlet to express any pain you hold in a constructive and beneficial manner.
I wish you the best of luck, love. I’m here if you need anything, okay? Stay strong~!
Anonymous said: Hey Jude! :) I love your tumblr. I read from another question you asked that you are in a long distance relationship?? Can you tell me all about her / him and your experience??
Uh, well, it’s hard to put into words really. To be honest, my mind gets a bit flustered thinking about it. She’s a wonderful human being with an exquisite personality. Besides her impeccable characteristics, she is incredibly caring and compassionate. It’s hard to look into those greenish-blue eyes and not become completely infatuated.
We’ve known each other for a total of three years now, and it was only until after our first meetings (which occurred this summer) that romantic feelings became involved. Long distance relationships are incredibly challenging, especially when the two individuals involved both acquire their share of mental health issues. Nevertheless, we try to take each day as it comes and be there for one another.
Thanks for asking, lovely~! I’m here if you need anything.
anonymous asks: I havnt cut but I’ve gotten close to it quite a few times. About an hour ago…my scissors nearly ‘fell’ on my leg. I’ve been depressed (suicidal + others) for about two years now. Except this summer, I thought it went away for good. I write and draw and sing songs that help and try to stay calm but it’s not working. I’m trying not to cut, for many reasons. Idk where to get help cuz I can’t tell my parents. I have friends and they help but I feel bad telling them I don’t want them to feel bad
Love, I’m so proud that you’re giving recovery a try. While it may be onerous and difficult at times, the reward you acquire from your struggles is well worth any pain and misery you hold currently. While it may seem hopeless, there will come a day where you will be able to love life again. With enough time and patience put into your recovery, you’ll be able to see such a day occur.
While I am so proud that you’re attempting to recover, you must understand that recovery is collaborative process. It is okay to ask for help from outside influences. Considering you can’t inform your parents on the matter of depression and self-harm, I would suggest getting together with your guidance counselor and informing him/her of the pains you attain and that you would like to seek professional assistance but are unsure of how to do so. I’m sure he/she will be more than willing to give you the resources (e.g. school therapist or school-sponsored support groups) you need in order to begin the process of recovery.
Moreover, if you ever acquire feelings of anxiety and/or misery, feel free to check out sites such as Blah Therapy and 7 Cups of Tea. They allow individuals the opportunity to cope with such painful feelings in a constructive manner. However, if feelings of depression ever become so intense that you are contemplating suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) immediately. No matter how terrible and/or awful you feel in your current state, they will try their hardest to bring you out of such a mentality.
I’m here for you, angel~! Stay strong.
Anonymous said: I think about killing myself at least once every day because of a plethora of reasons but mainly because of how ugly I feel all the time. I used to feel that I could talk to my boyfriend about it, but now I know he doesn't like me talking to him about it. I think he thinks I'm just making empty threats. This is despite me trying to kill myself twice in his presence. I love him. But I have nobody to talk to. I'm not mentally ill, just insecure. Don't want to waste resources for those who are.
Love, if you are acquiring thoughts of suicide, such thoughts are not stimulated by solely insecurity but rather a variegated amount of complex biological, social, and psychological factors. In order to prohibit these factors from becoming dangerous to your mental health, a psychologist must examine your thought processes in order to understand why these suicidal tendencies occur and how they can be interdicted. You must understand, lovely, that you need and deserve help just as much as any other mentally ill individual.
That being said, I strongly recommend you seek professional assistance immediately. Inform a parent and/or guidance counselor that you acquire thoughts of suicide and would like to seek a therapist immediately. I’m sure they will be more than willing to grant you the help you so desperately need (though you refuse to see it). Moreover, I would suggest joining support groups, whether it be in your community or online (e.g. Blah Therapy or 7 Cups of Tea), that are related to overcoming mental health issues.
As far as your boyfriend is concerned, be careful not to allow the entirety of your happiness to rely solely on one person. It not only allows you to become dependent, but can also cause relationships to become susceptible to damage and strain. When thoughts of suicide become prevalent within your mindset, it is much better to contact a licensed professional (e.g. a suicide hotline or your therapist) who obtains the ability to help you out of this fragmented state than a friend who is just as lost and confused as you are.
Nevertheless, inform him that the suicidal feelings you acquire are not empty threats, but matters that should be taken quite seriously. If he is a bit unfamiliar as to what depression is as well as how one should treat an individual with a mental illness, provide him with educational resource (for examples, click here or here).
I wish you the best of luck, love~! Stay strong.
Anonymous said: I woke up in tears today thinking this might finally be the day I kill myself. I cried for 2 hours on the way to school and in my first class (thankfully no one asked me about it), but look at me now. I'm still here right?
Yes, you are, love~! I’m so proud that you acquired enough strength to battle against the destructive voices of mental illness in order to go on another day. Whether you see it or not, there will come a day where the sun will shine again. I assure you, with enough time and patience dedicated to your recovery, you’ll be able to become the happy and healthy individual you once were. Just stay with me, and we can make it through this together.
Nevertheless, I strongly recommend that you seek outside assistance in your process of rehabilitation. Inform a parent and/or guidance counselor that you attain such depressive tendencies, and would like to seek professional help. I’m sure they will be more than willing to offer you the assistance you need.
Moreover, I would also suggest joining local and/or online support groups (e.g. Blah Therapy and/or 7 Cups of Tea) in order to form new relations as well as quicken the recovery process. Such groups are marvelous outlets for those in need of escaping from the pains and anxieties of everyday life. As well, please contact 1-800-273-8255 (Suicide Hotline) if you ever acquire a life-threatening relapse.
Once again, I’m overjoyed that you’re here, lovely. You’re a spectacular human being who has a great life ahead of them~! I’m here for you if you need anything, okay? Stay strong.
Anonymous said: The married guy I was in mutual love with for four years is litterally in the hospital, dying, and I can't even go say good bye. I have no idea which level of hell this is.
Love, I cannot even begin to fathom the amount of pain and sorrow you attain. It is such feelings as these that cannot be properly expressed through the English language. I send you my deepest condolences for the situation you acquire.
Nevertheless, try your best to not give up faith (as hard as that may be). I would first inquire from one of the staff members of the hospital your significant other resides in for permission to visit him. If they decline, I would then recommend you attempt to contact any of his relatives and/or friends you believe would be visiting him in his time of need. Inform said relative/friend that you wish to see him immediately, but are unable to get passed the hospital staff. Inquire if there is any possible way they can grant you permission. If not, request that when your significant other is awake, you would like to speak to him via telephone, webcam, and/or instant messaging. With enough persuasion, I’m sure they’ll be more than willing to assist you.
However, if you are still unable to contact him, but have done everything in your power to do otherwise, you must come to terms with such a fact. While in such despair, I know this may sound incredibly difficult, but attempt to remain positive while still retaining practicality. Try to come to terms with his possible death in a constructive manner. Understand that death is very much a part of life, and that though he has passed, his memories will remain alive for as long as you exist.
It’ll be alright, love. Attempt to keep your mind off such heavy topics by pursuing a hobby or joining a support group who hold members that can relate with the issues you obtain. As well, such websites as Blah Therapy and 7 Cups of Tea are great for those in need of venting their pains and stresses.
I’m here if you need me, okay? Keep me updated~! Stay strong.
Anonymous said: I made a promise to myself when I was 9 to have no sex until 18. I'm with this amazing guy, and he totally is cool with my choices. But his parents are pressuring him to have sex. He wants to wait but doesn't know how to tell his parents that. Help??
It seems as though you are in quite the difficult situation, love. While, under normal situations, I would recommend you respect the decisions of your significant other’s family, I cannot pursue such a recommendation as it affects you directly. Therefore, if you believe these familial interactions to be affecting your relationship you acquire for this boy, I would most definitely take action immediately.
While there are variegated amount of ways in which you could go about solving this situation, I would suggest talking to your significant other first. In a private setting, inform him that you are not comfortable in receiving these great amounts of pressure from his family, and that such pressure is inducing a considerable deal of anxiety and stress on your part. Continue to discuss problem-solving methods in a logical and patient manner until a decision that satisfies both of you is established.
Nevertheless, if this supposed “method” falls through, I would suggest speaking to his parents directly. Arrange a meeting, and notify them that you do not appreciate the pressure being inflicted upon you due to the promise you made to your nine-year-old self. While speaking, remember to remain respectful and calm throughout the entirety of your conversation. With enough discourse, I’m sure a compromise can be reached between the three of you.
I wish you the best of luck, love~! Keep me updated, I’m here if you need anything. Stay lovely.
Anonymous said: See the thing with me is that my issue is one without a name. I'm taking anti-depressants for seeing shit that doesn't exist. auras. flashing lights, visual snow, shadows and fucking pulsing. and that's not the worst bit. I've sat in the bus and felt myself fall back into nothing, into blackness, into the sky. And I was stuck there for awhile, and I didn't know my name, and I couldn't make my way out of that place. I'm taking anti-depressants to cool a mind that goes beyond what should be seen.
Well, love, it seems as though the method of treatment your specialist is providing for you is not effectual. From what I’ve read, it appears as though you’re acquiring great bouts of hallucinations as well as delusions. While I am not a professional, the reason as to why your therapist/psychiatrist prescribed antidepressants is most likely due to the belief that you acquire psychotic depression, a subtype of depression whose side effects include a hallucinatory and delusional mindset as well as other delirious characteristics.
Though such derangement may spur a sense of hopelessness and despair, there are a multitude of options that can be taken in curing this mental illness. I would continue to see your therapist/psychiatrist, and inform him/her that your hallucinations persist. I’m sure he/she will be more than willing to reevaluate your mental condition as well as the treatment you have been given. As well, try to pursue weekly therapy sessions with your licensed professional in order to remain on the path of a healthy recovery.
Moreover, I would strongly recommend you join support groups in your community and/or school that are related to recovering from the issues you acquire. This will not only further your rehabilitation, but allow you to realize you are not alone in suffering from this terrifying illness. Online communities, such as Blah Therapy and 7 Cups of Tea, are also great outlets for when you are in need of talking to someone in times of anguish and pain.
I’m here if you need anything, okay? I wish you a healthy recovery, lovely. Stay strong.
anonymous asks: I’m so stressed this year. I don’t know what to do. I expected this year to go easy like the others, I’m a straight A student. But every thing seems to just be getting worse. I think my only real friends are abandoning me, they just sort of ignore me and avoid me. I also keep disappointing myself. I can’t help it, but I have high expectations of myself and every time I do slightly bad at something, I literally cry. I have too much to do and I don’t have time to do half of it and I hate it all.
Oh, love, I know all to well the amount of stress you’re dealing with. Being an I.B. student, I often acquire an extensive workload, causing my mental and emotional states to deteriorate. With such anguish, you feel as though there is no plausible solution to the problem at hand. Nevertheless, there are ways you can prevent such overwhelming stresses from occurring.
I would first consider speaking to a parent and/or guidance counselor about the anxiety you acquire. Inform them of your deteriorating mental state, and inquire if there are any possible solutions in order to curtail such emotional instability. I’m sure they will be more than willing to provide you with the proper outlets to assist you in dealing with your problems in a more efficient and effective manner.
Nevertheless, do not have the progress of your recovery solely depend on professionals and/or authority figures. Take matters into your own hands as well! When you attain great bouts of pressure, take a moment to understand that you’re doing the best you can and that is the only thing you can do. Try to understand that we are humans, not machines. While we are bound to make mistakes throughout this life, it is these mistakes that will enable us to become a more successful human being.Furthermore, make time for yourself in order to pursue hobbies and/or other activities that allow you to deal with these emotional problems in a constructive fashion. Join support groups within your school and/or community in order to form relations with your peers as well as understand that you’re not alone in dealing with these issues.
As far as your friends are concerned, I would strongly suggest speaking of the resentment you acquire towards the relation. Arrange a get-together with them, and tell them that you feel abandoned by them. As well, notify them that you would like to remain friends, but are unsure of what to do next. Keep in mind that when you’re discussing, you should try to remain as rational as possible. This will allow no feelings to be hurt during your discourse.
I’m here if you need anything, okay? Stay positive~!